Heyup kids! I’m baaack (sorta). Not that any of you fucks missed me. But sometimes, life decides that what you need is a swift kick in the balls and thus I’ve not been anywhere close to a computer for almost a week. But my iPhone still likes to keep me abreast of the news via an incredibly slow connection. I was on twitter t’other day(@badlanalun) and I came across a wonderful bit of news, disguised amongst tales of economic woes and crazy men going in rampages;
The War is over! Yaaaay! Whoooo!! Peace has been declared!
What’s that? Which war? Iraq, Afghanistan, the Congo, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict? No, my dear friends, an even more important conflict on all of our lives. For generations it has ben waged, with no sign of an exit strategy or timetable for withdrawal, nor roadmap to peace. Until now, where a visionary peace broker has called for a cease-fire and for reconciliation to begin.
I of course refer to the seemingly endless conflict of Star Wars vs Star Trek. A bitter and uncompromising war that has thus far defined our era. Though the men who began the conflict are either dead or have been rendered largely irrelevant, trapped in an echo chamber of money and yes-men, other fanatics have taken up the flag to continue the senseless bloodshed. These warmongers, William Shatner and Carrie Fisher, had recently exchanged gunfire in a protracted and unneccessary period of press releases and inane soundbites
“Star Wars is a derivative of Star Trek,”
a bloated Shatner said in some interview I’m too lazy to source.
Carrie Fisher, somehow still giving a shit, now that she’s not a drug addict, returned fire, claiming;
“They’re not even in the same league,”
There was also some talk of that famous gold bikini that made me feel slightly nauseous because, she’s really old now. Please no.
And the argument was looong and pointless, until a brave, bold figure emerged amidst the rubble to finally lead us into the light. Mr George Takei, former Enterprise Helmsman and overall fabulous ol’ gent, has released this video. In it, he calls an end to hostilities and at the same time, helps us to all understand that there is a real threat out there, an enemy worthy of our wrath. But I’ll let the man himself tell you more.