Hey Gang. how’s everybody doing? Okay stop talking to the screen now, I can’t hear you. So I’ve been super busy lately, and that’s why I’ve been gone for so long (bout a month…damn). But I was able to throw this together in a bit of forced leisure and hell…it isn’t too bad. See with limited time to myself, I’ve tried to spend the majority of that keeping up with the plethora of new games coming out. Lately I have been playing Splinter Cell: Blacklist (again when I get the chance), and I can’t really say I’m super excited about it. Now it’s not bad, just not awe-inspiring. The multiplayer sucks (thankfully my “works and plays well with others” marks are real low….so I don’t do that kind of crap often); the storyline seems slapped together (more so the unfolding than the entirety) and the overall mechanics doesn’t show much of an overhaul at all….you can just about feel Ubisoft gearing up for annual releases. None of this holds a candle to the most baffling part of the Splinter Cell series…and no Im not talking about the Benjamin Button style age reversal of Sam Fisher, it’s the stealth. Each subsequent game seems to find a way to make you feel less like a shadow and more like a haphazard spy fumbling about a bunch of blind terrorists, like the Mr Magoo of Fourth Echelon. Blacklist takes it one step further, they make you a god damn beacon. When Sam is safely perched in the shadows all the lights on his suit glow to indicate this…..go ahead read that again. This isn’t some absurd game mechanic outside of the fictional universe Sam resides in, oh no no no, Grimm (easiest to call her Sam’s handler) tells him specifically about this feature in-game thru his commlink. I would have loved to be at that R&D meeting:

Director: “…and now, we have the latest advances in stealth suit technology”

Scientist: “Yes. The new fiber is made of a material that is 10xs stronger than steel and quieter than silk. The main torso can withstand 5 direct shots from a 9mm and the Gloves are so thin they are barely there, making weapons handling second to none. We have even included a bonus spectrum analyzer that can tell our operatives when they are firmly secured in the shadows, it does this by intensifying the illumination of these randomly placed glow spots” *he demonstrates*

Director: “Wait what? It glows in the dark?”

Scientist: “the stealth LEDs allow the agent to be sure when he is in an area dark enough to not be seen”

Director: “So somehow you think that glowing brighter than the Sun God’s no-no-bits would be the best way to alert our operatives that they are hidden in darkness? Not a vibration…not a low beep in their earpiece…but a f@#&ing lighthouse beam of ‘here I am, shoot me in the God damn face’, that is what you think is best?”

Scientist: “How could it not be? Plus it’s badass looking, Science says so.”

Director: “Fine whatever, I’m going to go drink away this memory now”

01 Sep This entry was written by CatastroFUCK and published on September 1, 2013 at 1:58 PM. It’s filed under Games, Gear, Idiot-Morons and tagged derp, Mr. Scientist, sam fisher, stealth suit, The cake is a lie, Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell, Video game. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.