Hello there my wonderful readers. How are you? Hiatus has not been so nice to me, I’ve found there is less purpose in my life and it’s also harder to impress a lady without the ability to say “Im the top writer at a satirical comedy website”. I really do miss you all, in fact I havent even been keeping up with the tech news like I should because it just reminds me of splitting it off with you guys and no one likes to recall a bad break-up. But I have heard ramblings of things That make me question the stillborn journalism out there
. One of the stories out there is the war between Anonymous and LulzSec, granted neither side has admitted a feud but its pretty obvious to us that ones trying to prove they are better than the other . Honestly it’s getting rather boorish, I don’t fucking care which of you is better at annoying other people. Watching this war is like watching the special olympics…sure you end up with a champ at the end of the events…but its still the best handicapped person around. It’s not that I don’t respect their skill either (well at least when it’s not sissy things like DDoS attacks or changing Wikipedia or whatever), It takes quite a bit of know-how to traverse the digital realm of tubes and carrier pigeons (that the internet right?).
But I’ll have more respect for them when the penalty for hacking is death by hungry,burning rats, at least that way its more like a soldiers work. I mean Im pretty good with a sniper rifle thanks to lots of COD some of the finest training in the world, but you dont see me perching on the next roof over from their pathetic studio apartments picking off their limbs every few weeks do ya? No, cuz Im a fuckin ninja and you’ll never catch me. But regardless I only find humor in other people’s misfortunes, not situations I create. So let the law change so that hacking felony’s punishment is torture….then if you have the balls to do it, You’re the man for realz.
Then of course there is always the never-ending stream of Apple mediocrity. Like seriously mate I dont care that they added new (ripped off) features to their horrible OS, I understand the need to tell those who do…but that doesn’t require twelve articles that are four words off of a carbon copy. I get it, it’s pretty and wants people to believe it can do all the things windows can…now please grow the capacity to shut up because my fragile constitution can only take so much bullshit before I am forced to puke. Really, do you need to know every un respectable rumor about what the iPad 27 is going to have, no just wait till you can buy it then you will know.
The same goes for all tablets in general. Most of them are garbage, so please stop wasting my time announcing every single time one emerges from the cesspool of trend-hopping electronic brands. There are maybe three worthwhile tablets, the rest is just sub-par run-off from the ass-crack of actual ground breaking technology. The announcement articles are almost as bad as the never-ending smartphone commercials, where a “clever” phone(at best) tries to spew that “fact” it’s better than some leading competitors shining beacon of mobile technology. Sure not everyone can be top dog, but lying to me just pisses me off and makes me set lions upon your corporate offices (keep that in mind Samsung).
Is anyone else on the same page here? or am I just ranting of feeble inadequacies of my surroundings because I’m pissed I lost my job? Really tell me how you feel about these or other instances, I never have a problem bringing volatile arguments to the party…thats why Im not allowed in Olive Garden anymore actually. The news is all about “hot topics” now, bet you didn’t now that cancer fatalities have been on a steady downfall. No of course you haven’t, because cancer is old news now, like AIDS or successful marriages. I dont know about you but it makes me kind of upset that all the lime light hits the repetitious inconsequential news, but over looks awesome discoveries like Synthfuel or organ printers. It was partially why I was so into writing on this site, cuz every so often when I was a little less drunk than usual I brought you some cool ass friggin news/discoveries that you had no idea about. But no, Im wrong obviously because much better writers get paid much more money to write on the same subject 5 months out of the year and call it breaking news. Oh well back the
drawing board bottle